Author Topic: Daily starters  (Read 140931 times)

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1005 on: July 21, 2020, 09:18:07 AM »
Have you heard about the coffin scavenger hunt???

Remains to be found.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1006 on: July 26, 2020, 10:49:55 AM »
Have you heard about the chameleon that can't change colors?

He has reptile dysfunction.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1007 on: July 27, 2020, 08:31:10 AM »
I've always said I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.

Unlike his passengers.

Offline Sir Thrift-a-Lot

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1008 on: July 27, 2020, 01:37:00 PM »
 >:D

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1009 on: July 28, 2020, 09:59:00 AM »
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.

Turns out, identity theft is a crime.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1010 on: July 29, 2020, 09:45:43 AM »
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused novocaine during a root canal?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1011 on: July 30, 2020, 10:50:33 AM »
How do blind people know when to stop wiping?

Taste test.


Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1012 on: July 31, 2020, 10:28:31 AM »
Unbeknownst to his wife, Steve has secretly been drinking at the bar all day. He looks at his phone only to realize that its 2a.m. and he should be getting home before his wife is pissed.

He tries to stand up but falls flat on his face. Deciding he needs to sober up, he gets some water and waits an hour. Again, he tries to stand up. Again, he falls flat on his face.

Finally, he decides he'd better get home no matter what. Desperate to keep his wife happy, he crawls home and into bed next to his sleeping wife.

The next morning, his wife passive aggressively says to him, "well? How was it? did you at least have fun drinking all day yesterday?"

Steve is sure his wife was asleep when he got home so he confidently replies, "I wasn't drinking all day. I just stopped by after work and had a beer with a few of my coworkers. We barely drank anything"

His wife smirks, "the bartender called. You forgot your wheelchair last night."

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1013 on: August 02, 2020, 10:37:26 AM »
Buy a man an airplane ticket and he flies for a day. Push a man out of an airplane and he flies for the rest of his life.

Offline EmperorNorton

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1014 on: August 02, 2020, 04:59:54 PM »
DB Cooper and I had a good laugh over this post.
Rega Planar 3
Rotel RQ-970
Sony C8ES
Musical Fidelity M1 DAC
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Dahlquist DQ 10s

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1015 on: August 03, 2020, 09:59:26 AM »
3 blondes walking down a dirt road when they happen upon a set of tracks.

First blonde says, I recognize these. They're deer tracks.

Second says, no you are wrong. They're moose tracks

The third one then chimes in, you both are wrong, they're clearly elk tracks!

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1016 on: August 04, 2020, 10:01:23 AM »
Her: Undress me with your words.

Me: There's a spider in your bra.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1017 on: August 07, 2020, 09:26:36 AM »
Is the glass half full or half empty?

Engineer: The glass is the wrong size.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1018 on: August 08, 2020, 10:03:37 AM »
Anyone heard about the dyslexic zombie?

He only eats Brians.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1019 on: August 09, 2020, 09:43:32 AM »
When a kid says, "Daddy, I want Mommy" that's the kids version of "I'd like to speak to your supervisor".