Author Topic: Daily starters  (Read 237418 times)

Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #330 on: November 21, 2014, 07:14:28 AM »
Auctioneers are proof that white guys could rap if they try hard enough.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #331 on: November 22, 2014, 08:48:18 AM »
The word "Boob" is the Perfect word. The B looks like a top view of them, the 2 Os look like a front view, and the b looks like a side view. perfectly engineered!
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Offline GraphicFX

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #332 on: November 23, 2014, 08:55:25 AM »
The word "Boob" is the Perfect word. The B looks like a top view of them, the 2 Os look like a front view, and the b looks like a side view. perfectly engineered!

Do you make this stuff up? Genius I tell you.
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bearjew

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #333 on: November 23, 2014, 10:22:52 AM »
The word "Boob" is the Perfect word. The B looks like a top view of them, the 2 Os look like a front view, and the b looks like a side view. perfectly engineered!

Do you make this stuff up? Genius I tell you.

I know, right?  I've been waiting all morning for him to post one, but I guess when god rests, so must the southern commander.

Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #334 on: November 23, 2014, 10:28:36 AM »
Don't worry guys...on the job 24-7 defending the Southland... LMAO means Lick My Anal Opening. You're welcome.  ;)
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #335 on: November 24, 2014, 07:24:44 AM »
When a two year old hands you their ringing toy phone, no matter how baddass you think you are, you answer it.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #336 on: November 25, 2014, 08:17:39 AM »
You guys really need to stop judging people that breast feed in public. I can raise my puppy however I want!
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Offline MacGeek

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #337 on: November 25, 2014, 07:56:53 PM »
Shop tools defined.  Don't ask how we come to know some of these things.


DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar
stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across
the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner
where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the
workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh shit!'

SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs
into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting on fire various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes , trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trashcan after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. It is especially valuable at being able to find the EXACT location of the thumb or index finger of the other hand.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

SON-OF-A-BITCH TOOL: (A personal favorite!) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a BITCH!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

Hope you found this informative.

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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #338 on: November 26, 2014, 08:12:45 AM »
Even funnier... that moment when you laugh so much about your friends joke you end up farting accidently.

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #339 on: November 26, 2014, 11:00:10 AM »
I've never farted accidentally, but have had accidents while farting. 

Offline rgpit

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #340 on: November 26, 2014, 11:33:28 AM »
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #341 on: November 27, 2014, 08:08:08 AM »
If you love someone set them free. If they come back, it's because no one else wanted them.... ;)
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Offline MacGeek

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #342 on: November 27, 2014, 08:10:14 AM »
SIMPLE TRUTH 1
Partners help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story:
In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

SIMPLE TRUTH 2
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and saying "congrats".
But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say "Good job".
Moral of the story:
"Hard work is never appreciated”
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #343 on: November 30, 2014, 07:09:44 AM »
SIMPLE TRUTH 1
Partners help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story:
In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

SIMPLE TRUTH 2
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and saying "congrats".
But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say "Good job".
Moral of the story:
"Hard work is never appreciated”
AMEN!!!
IN REALITY IT ONLY MATTERS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE TO YOU!!!!!

Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #344 on: November 30, 2014, 07:10:08 AM »
Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.
IN REALITY IT ONLY MATTERS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE TO YOU!!!!!