Author Topic: Daily starters  (Read 98384 times)

Offline geoffr

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #795 on: January 04, 2019, 12:52:15 PM »
Rumors go out the door and innuendo.
Living room: Fisher 400, Thorens TD124, Arcam CD, Klipsch Heresy
Home office: Scott 222c, Rega P25, Marantz CD, Omega 3T desktop speakers and Deep Hemp sub
Basement: Rogue Cronus, Meadowlark Kestrel, Thorens TD160, Rotel CD

Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #796 on: January 05, 2019, 11:43:17 AM »
I have clean conscience. I haven't used it once.....
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #797 on: January 06, 2019, 08:57:02 AM »
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care.
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Offline geoffr

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #798 on: January 31, 2019, 09:13:36 AM »
So cold this morning that I saw the Mayor walking down Grant Street with his hands in his own pockets.
Living room: Fisher 400, Thorens TD124, Arcam CD, Klipsch Heresy
Home office: Scott 222c, Rega P25, Marantz CD, Omega 3T desktop speakers and Deep Hemp sub
Basement: Rogue Cronus, Meadowlark Kestrel, Thorens TD160, Rotel CD

Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #799 on: February 20, 2019, 11:08:50 AM »
Most females don't answer video calls after 9pm because their face has been restored to factory settings.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #800 on: February 21, 2019, 09:19:23 AM »
My wife asked me where I'd like to be buried? Apparently "balls deep in your sister" wasn't the answer she was expecting.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #801 on: February 22, 2019, 01:09:50 PM »
In the world of the blind the one eyed man rules!
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #802 on: February 24, 2019, 08:22:39 AM »
The sight of a woman's cleavage reduces a man's ability to think clearly by 50%... per boob... ;)
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #803 on: February 25, 2019, 11:51:22 AM »
A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost.
He reduces height and spots a man down below.
He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.
"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."
The man below replies, "You must work in management."
"I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"
"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."
IN REALITY IT ONLY MATTERS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE TO YOU!!!!!

Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #804 on: February 27, 2019, 08:06:06 AM »
Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #805 on: February 28, 2019, 07:42:15 AM »
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #806 on: March 01, 2019, 08:54:48 AM »
Drunk man stumbles upstairs late at night and bursts through the bedroom door with a duck under his arm.
He announces to his now awake annoyed wife that "This is the pig I've been screwing."
The wife unimpressed said "You drunk arsehole... That's a duck".
The man looks down at the duck and then looks back up at his wife and says... "I was talking to the duck!"
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #807 on: March 02, 2019, 10:58:44 AM »
If you have a grief nobody feels,
If you have a pain nobody feels.
If your heart is broken nobody feels,
but if you fart all will understand.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #808 on: March 03, 2019, 08:53:30 AM »
On the Internet you can be anything you want.
It's so strange that many people choose to be stupid.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #809 on: March 04, 2019, 08:14:54 AM »
A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help.
"If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her.
The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."
IN REALITY IT ONLY MATTERS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE TO YOU!!!!!