Author Topic: Daily starters  (Read 96476 times)

Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #810 on: March 05, 2019, 06:38:35 AM »
Was talking to my girlfriend the other day...
"Hey, I heard an interesting stat the other day. They said that 80% of women masturbate in the shower. Know what the other 20% do?"
"No, what?"
"Yea, I figured you were in the first group."
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #811 on: March 06, 2019, 08:15:10 AM »
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads:
CHEESEBURGER: $1.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50
HAND JOB: $10.00
He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks.
"Can I help you?" she asks.
"I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."
IN REALITY IT ONLY MATTERS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE TO YOU!!!!!

Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #812 on: March 07, 2019, 08:07:47 AM »
A man is in a hotel lobby.
He wants to ask the clerk a question.
As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."
IN REALITY IT ONLY MATTERS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE TO YOU!!!!!

Offline Jim Pittsburgh

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #813 on: March 07, 2019, 08:40:54 AM »
dude, you're on a roll!
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #814 on: March 08, 2019, 10:04:48 AM »
Thanks Jim!

A little boy says, ‘Dad, I’ve heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her.’ ‘Son,’ says the dad.
‘That happens everywhere.’
IN REALITY IT ONLY MATTERS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE TO YOU!!!!!

Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #815 on: March 09, 2019, 06:01:13 AM »
My wife and I have reached a decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.  :laugh:
IN REALITY IT ONLY MATTERS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE TO YOU!!!!!

Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #816 on: March 10, 2019, 08:40:02 AM »
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy?
The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
IN REALITY IT ONLY MATTERS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE TO YOU!!!!!

Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #817 on: March 11, 2019, 08:06:16 AM »
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked,
“You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?”
“Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”
IN REALITY IT ONLY MATTERS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE TO YOU!!!!!

Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #818 on: March 12, 2019, 09:36:07 AM »
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them....
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #819 on: March 13, 2019, 10:58:17 AM »
Sex is like math:
Add the bed
Subtract the clothes
Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #820 on: March 14, 2019, 07:29:04 AM »
Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir?"
Driver looks out at the mirror and says: "Yes, it's me."
IN REALITY IT ONLY MATTERS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE TO YOU!!!!!

Offline Jim Pittsburgh

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #821 on: March 14, 2019, 07:47:03 AM »
You're on a roll man.  lol   
Clearaudio Performance SEP/Talisman V2 gold,PL XP-15, Onkyo Integra DSP 8.3, Marantz SR6005, KEF Reference 5, KEF Reference 4C,KEF Q900, , Q800, HSU VFT-15H,Emptek DSA250,Krell S1500 #2 Marantz SR6007,  McIntosh1501, KEF Q600, Sunfire NHTsuper1s, Technics 1200 MkII/ Shure V15 xMR, dbx DX5 ,Jolida JD

Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #822 on: March 15, 2019, 06:54:20 AM »
You're on a roll man.  lol
Thanks Jim! I hope that these are being read. I like a little humor to start the day.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #823 on: March 15, 2019, 06:55:10 AM »
Gals, if you believe that the quickest way to a man's heart is the stomach, you are aiming a little too high.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #824 on: March 16, 2019, 06:23:58 AM »
Just read that another World's Oldest Man has died. This is beginning to look suspicious.
IN REALITY IT ONLY MATTERS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE TO YOU!!!!!