Author Topic: Daily starters  (Read 133323 times)

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #960 on: May 11, 2020, 10:55:58 AM »
How did you sink a submarine full of blondes?

Knock on the door.
« Last Edit: May 11, 2020, 10:59:42 AM by scorpio333 »

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #961 on: May 12, 2020, 09:32:35 AM »
Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, the son volunteered, I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates."

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

He sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you did not' take the silver plate .. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
your son

Several days later, he received an email from his Mother which read:
Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you do' sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under the pillow
Love,
Mom.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #962 on: May 13, 2020, 09:35:13 AM »
I debated a flat earther once. He got so mad that he stormed off and said he'd walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong. He'll come around eventually.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #963 on: May 14, 2020, 09:20:06 AM »
An old farmer is sitting on his front porch early one morning when he sees the neighbor's kid walking up the dirt road. The farmer notices the boy is carrying something. "Hey boy, the farmer says. Whatcha got there?"
"This here is some chicken wire. Im gonna go catch some chickens!
"You damn fool, the old farmer replied. You can't catch chickens with chicken wire. The boy shrugs and keeps on walking.
Around noon, the boy returns  sure enough, he has about 30 chickens caught in the chicken wire. The old farmer cant believe his eyes.
The next morning, the old man sees the boy again. Hes carrying something, but its not chicken wire. "Hey boy, whatcha got there? the farmer asks.
"Duct tape. Im gonna go catch me some ducks."
The farmer recalls yesterdays events with the chicken wire, but hes absolutely positive the kid wont be able to catch ducks with duct tape, so he doubles down: Listen boy, the farmer shouts. You can't catch ducks with duct tape!"
The boy just laughs and keeps walking. After a few hours, the boy returns and he has about 30 ducks wrapped in a long trail of duct tape. The farmer is beside himself. He cant believe what hes seeing.
The next morning, the old man sees the boy walking up the dirt road with a bunch of branches under his arms. "Hey boy, the farmer says, Watcha got there?"
"This here is pussy willow,
"Wait up," says the old man. "I'll go get my hat!"

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #964 on: May 15, 2020, 09:53:33 AM »
I asked my wife if she wanted to play the rape game.
My wife: No
Me: Perfect

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #965 on: May 18, 2020, 09:56:25 AM »
I was struggling to get my wife's attention. I simply sat down and looked comfortable, that did the trick.

Offline Sir Thrift-a-Lot

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #966 on: May 18, 2020, 01:01:27 PM »
Truth.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #967 on: May 28, 2020, 10:13:14 AM »
My mouth waters when I smell steak on the grill. I wonder, do vegans mouths water when they cut the grass?

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #968 on: May 29, 2020, 10:14:46 AM »
What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?




A doberman.