Author Topic: Daily starters  (Read 161755 times)

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1110 on: November 12, 2020, 08:37:20 AM »
My wife keeps telling me I need to get in touch with my feminine side.

I went out and crashed the car.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1111 on: November 13, 2020, 09:24:00 AM »
If professionals make difficult tasks look easy, what do you call someone who makes simple tasks look difficult?

Coworker.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1112 on: November 14, 2020, 10:27:19 AM »
Auto correct keeps ducking up my jokes, maybe it's the fowl language?

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1113 on: November 15, 2020, 09:14:46 AM »
A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: "You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increases as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!"
- So, a woman goes to the store to find a husband.
- On the first floor the sign reads: "These men Have Jobs".
- The second floor sign reads: "These men Have Jobs and Love Kids".
- The third floor sign reads: "These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking."
- "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
- At the fourth floor the sign reads: "These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework."
- "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
- Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:"These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak."
- She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
- "You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
- Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store."

Offline Sir Thrift-a-Lot

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1114 on: November 15, 2020, 10:15:14 AM »
 8)

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1115 on: November 16, 2020, 09:47:49 AM »
What starts with PO, ends with RN and goes great with TV??


Popcorn

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1116 on: November 17, 2020, 08:56:12 AM »
My wife is seeking a divorce. She says I'm too un-American.

Well, I kinda saw it a kilometer away.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1117 on: November 18, 2020, 09:56:06 AM »
What makes life 100%?? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. How about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove helpful.

What makes life 100%?

If A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z are represented as 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then.....
H A R D W O R K 8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11= 98%

K N O W L E D G E 11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5=96%

But......
A T T I T U D E 1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5=100%

B U L L S H I T 2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20=103%

So, it stands to reason that hardwork and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top.

Therefore, look how far this will take you..........
A S S K I S S I N G 1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118

Offline Jim Pittsburgh

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1118 on: November 18, 2020, 12:50:56 PM »
lol  nice post!
a bunch of nice sounding stuff. Nice that I'm finally able to actually listen to file music for the first time...

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1119 on: November 19, 2020, 09:29:10 AM »
Voting results have been certified at my house. My wife will remain in charge for the next four years.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1120 on: November 20, 2020, 09:52:40 AM »
How do you talk with a Covid denier?

With a Ouija board.

Offline rgpit

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1121 on: November 20, 2020, 06:43:03 PM »
Daughter: Dad, where's mom?
Father: In the garden.
Daughter: I didn't see her.
Father: You'll have to dig a little.
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Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1122 on: November 22, 2020, 09:18:47 AM »
Wife: Would you care to explain why the bottle of whiskey you bought yesterday is half empty?

Husband: It's because you're a pessimist.

Offline rgpit

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1123 on: November 23, 2020, 11:22:25 AM »
Just saw the Steelers backup QB Mason Rudolph is partnering with a local Brewery to make a craft beer. It is made with rain water and red rose pedals and will be named
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Offline EmperorNorton

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1124 on: November 23, 2020, 11:24:30 AM »
Rudolph's Red Rose Rain Beer?

"cue the Red Rose Tea band!!!"
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