Author Topic: Daily starters  (Read 162231 times)

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1170 on: January 07, 2021, 09:43:19 AM »
I'm canceling my 2021 subscription. Tried the 7 day trial, not interested.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1171 on: January 08, 2021, 09:35:51 AM »
I arrived early at the restaurant. The manager asked if I'd mind waiting a bit. I said no.

He said, great, now take these drinks to table 9.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1172 on: January 10, 2021, 10:57:51 AM »
Who does a pimp gnome represent?

The garden hoes.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1173 on: January 11, 2021, 09:12:51 AM »
A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a picture of Elvis be tattooed high up on her left thigh.

The tattoo guy complies, but when he's done, the woman looks at the result and says "That doesn't look like Elvis at all!"

The guy says, "I can't do anything to remove it, but I could try again on the other thigh".

The woman agrees, but when all is done, she thinks that the new tattoo looks nothing like Elvis, either and refuses to pay.

The tattoo artist makes a proposal, "Ma'am, I'll ask a customer in the waiting room to come in and have a look at the tattoos. If he can identify Elvis, you pay me. Otherwise, you owe me nothing."

The woman agrees.

A customer is called in and the woman, dropping her pants and spreading her legs, says "Do you recognize these famous musicians?"

The guy looks, thinks for a minute, then says "I don't know about the twins, but the one in the middle with the beard and bad breath is definitely Willie Nelson."

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1174 on: January 12, 2021, 09:28:45 AM »
If I'm reading their lips correctly, my neighbors are talking about some creepy guy next door.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1175 on: January 14, 2021, 10:48:59 AM »
I had a friend who worked in a sex toy warehouse. He was killed when a pallet of dildos fell on him. Hit him like a ton of pricks.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1176 on: January 16, 2021, 11:50:06 AM »
This could be the last joke for a few days...my son tested positive a week ago, my wife is now beyond a doubt positive, I feel like shit today...this is the January where my sister in law tried to kill us all.

DO NOT TOUCH must be the scariest thing to read in braille.

Offline Sir Thrift-a-Lot

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1177 on: January 16, 2021, 12:56:38 PM »
I'm sorry to hear you are all sick.   Hopefully you escape the worst of it.   I'll say a prayer.   2020 was a bear but so far 2021 doesn't seem to be any better.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1178 on: January 17, 2021, 12:47:28 PM »
Ok, maybe not. But then again, yes. I'll feel like utter garbage for an hour or two, then feel ok for a bit. I've hit a wall a couple times where all I could do is sleep. Good, fuzzy, warm sleep with lots of drool. Perhaps I've just got the very mild. My wife, it's kicking her ass.  Regardless, enough about that...stay safe, stay smart.

And...remember even if you have a large nose it's no excuse for not wearing a mask. I still manage to wear underwear.

Offline EmperorNorton

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1179 on: January 17, 2021, 06:51:00 PM »
Scorp,

Hope every one gets well quickly.  Stay home and stay hydrated!!!

The Emperor
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Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1180 on: January 18, 2021, 11:54:10 AM »
Why did the art thief's van run out of gas as he was fleeing the museum?

He didn't have Monet to buy Degas to make the van Gogh.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1181 on: January 20, 2021, 11:49:11 AM »
An old man is selling watermelons...

His pricelist reads: 1 for $3, 3 for $10

A young man stops by and asks to buy one watermelon. "That'd be 3 dollars", says the old man.

The young man then buys another one, and another one, paying $3 for each.

As the young man is walking away, he turns around, grins, and says, "Hey old man, do you realize I just bought three watermelons for only $9? Maybe business is not your thing."

The old man smiles and mumbles to himself, "People are funny. Every time they buy three watermelons instead of one, yet they keep trying to teach me how to do business..."

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1182 on: January 21, 2021, 10:36:13 AM »
Give a man a gun and he'll rob a bank, give a man a bank and he'll rob everyone.

Offline Sir Thrift-a-Lot

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1183 on: January 21, 2021, 01:46:20 PM »
Give a man a gun and he'll rob a bank, give a man a bank and he'll rob everyone.

Truth.   Glad you are feeling well enough to post.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1184 on: January 21, 2021, 06:34:03 PM »
Glad you are feeling well enough to post.

Thanks! Not as much as I am. Not sure if you're working again, if you are, respect! Firemen see fires every so often, you're in hell fire daily. Stay safe.

We're getting through it, it hasn't been easy but it hasn't been as disastrous as others have had it so I'm grateful. We've got great support from friends and family checking in and offering help.

I'll share a few things from the whole experience with the hope it helps anyone, we went down this road with no point of reference, it was learn as you go. It started with my sister in law who is a nurse at a local hospital. She received part one of the vaccine on 12/28 (YES, you can get infected after receiving half of the vaccine, this is widely and openly documented). She got infected sometime the first week of January, no one knows for certain where she got it, but the obvious bet is the hospital. She spent some time at my in laws and spread it to my mother in law who then gave it to my son who gave it to me and my wife. Another sister and son got it, as well as the nurse's husband and infant. In all, 10 out of 13 people in that "bubble" got it. Luckily, my wife's 93 yr old grand mother lives with my in laws, she has not shown any symptoms. My father in law and daughter have also not shown symptoms, my daughter did test negative when my son tested positive.

As for symptoms, it varies widely. My son was barely affected as were a few others. Very light cold like symptoms. I had symptoms that yo yo'd for 4-5 days. No fever, no cough, no loss of taste. One night after dinner I just hit a wall and had no energy, had a slight sore throat and runny nose here and there. Fatigue was the worst of it. My wife and mother in law got the breathing symptoms, flu like aches n pains, no energy at all. MIL has been out of bed for a week, but still can't do steps. My wife is on about day 8, no energy, headaches, chills, diffuculty breathing after doing steps or showering.

It's a small set of data, but from what I've seen...do what you can to avoid it. It will COMPLETELY disrupt your life, your house gets split into sections, your kid gets locked in a room for 2 weeks, you wash your hands 50 times a day, etc... Then mental anguish is no fun either. If you do get it, it's manageable, don't spread it. Everyone has their thoughts about masks, vaccines, etc...be smart and be good to each other, please.